Nick Saban, Fasturbator

SI.com's Andy Staples has an article about slick Nick Saban. This is a quote of Saban's:

"We live in a very result-oriented world now," he says. "Everybody talks about instant instant coffee, instant tea, instant self-gratification, instant everything. Because of that, these kids grow up a little bit more result-oriented. You know, 'I want to catch 50 passes' as opposed to 'What do I need to do to catch 50 passes?' But when they don't catch 50 passes, they're very frustrated. Their whole motivation is toward the reward."

Again, with size of letters relative to phrase hilarity:

"We live in a very result-oriented world now," he says. "Everybody talks about instant instant coffee, instant tea, instant self-gratification, instant everything. Because of that, these kids grow up a little bit more result-oriented. You know, 'I want to catch 50 passes' as opposed to 'What do I need to do to catch 50 passes?' But when they don't catch 50 passes, they're very frustrated. Their whole motivation is toward the reward."

So, if I'm reading this right (and really, what do I mean "if"), Nick Saban wants his players to slooooow it down when masturbating. Anyway, back to sulking about the NHL playoffs.