Sunday, August 31, 2008

52 52 52 Week #28: Indiana

In which I examine crappy local sports journalism on a state-by-state basis, progressing through the states in terms of an alphabetical ordering of the heights of their tallest points. Because I can.

Great. Just great. I finally get home after weeks and weeks of writing this post on the road, and I'm stuck with a cold or something. So here comes another quickie post. Sorry about that.

Continuing Iowa's Hawkeye Point's theme of unbelievably obviously named highpoints, Indiana is proud to present 1257-foot Hoosier Hill. Here are three things I can't imagine it would hurt for you to know:

1. It's on private property, but the owner put a trail

2. Geologically, it's in part of Indiana that's already unusually high, so it's only about thirty or so feet higher than the surrounding countryside.

3. There's concern that a nearby landfill might end up being taller than Hoosier Hill, making a garbage mound the highest point in Indiana. If that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about Indiana, I don't know what will.

Look, I'm sick and I'm tired - not sick and tired, mind you, but still - and so I'm going to have to make this fast. And what better way to do it than to turn to Steve T. Gorches of The Post-Tribune of Northwest Indiana for some hot local bowling commentary?

If you're a sanctioned league bowler, then the season-opening league meeting brings up so many quips and quandaries.

That is so like my life that I don't live. Aw shit, I'm slipping into pseudo-profound bullshit. I'm fading fast here, peeps.

My league's meeting was last week and I learned one thing in particular: expect the unexpected.

That's true for many aspects of life in general, but in bowling it's especially true in league meetings when debate is healthy and reasoning is skewed.

I just love that he says that's true of "many aspects of life in general," just that the truthiness of that statement goes quadruple for bowling league meetings. It's like our entire lives are just some pale reflection of the glory that is a bowling league meeting. Also, I bet the beer tastes better there.

Oh yes, reasoning can be quite skewed, and this deduction doesn't come just from one recent meeting.

Phew. For a moment there I thought he might be working with a non-robust sample size.

Last week's encounter just enhanced my opinion built from years and years of shaking my head in preseason meetings.

Let's talk handicap.

Wait, he realizes him writing his column isn't him addressing a league meeting, right? Right!?

With averages rising over the last 15 years, it's understandable that the old standard of 80 percent of 200 has gone by the wayside. But that doesn't mean we have to keep raising it through the roof at the same rate of averages.

Oh goodness, that's only the first paragraph. Of four. ABOUT FUCKING HANDICAPS. And believe me, this is some scholarly, borderline impenetrable shit.

Then he's got even more to say about how many games before averages kick in, which I didn't even realize was a concept, let alone an issue. Seriously, is this how he communicates with his league? Does his league require all proposed rule changes be first aired in a column in The Post-Tribune? Because I'm having trouble understanding this any other way.

Eh, what the hell. I'm tired. I'm sick. Let's just enjoy some vintage thoughts on bloggers.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

52 52 52 Week #27: Iowa

In which I examine crappy local sports journalism on a state-by-state basis, progressing through the states in terms of an alphabetical ordering of the heights of their tallest points. Because I can.

Hey, gang! I'm super-excited to do this week's post, if only because I've rarely come across anything as inspiring as Iowa's 1670-foot Hawkeye Point...

1. It's north of Siblet, Iowa and really near the Minnesota border! Isn't that incredible?

2. It's near a silo! Like with grain or stuff, I guess! Assuming the silo is still in use!

3. According to Wikipedia, the best way to get there is, "Hike(?)"! That question mark spells mystery, gang! Come on, to the Mystery Machine!!!

OK, OK, Hawkeye Point is no great shakes. But The Iowa City Press-Citizen is happy to provide a compendium of awesomely meaningless quotes regarding everybody's favorite thing: University of Iowa field hockey. Your humble compiler is Ryan Suchomel. Let's do it, folks!

When thinking about national title contenders and the University of Iowa, most people think about singlets first, not skirts.

I had to look up what "singlet" meant. Turns out it's that skintight wrestling leotard thing. I count it as a rare point in favor of my masculinity that I had no idea what that was.

But the Iowa field hockey team has all but one starter back from last season when they went 17-4 and finished ranked fifth in the nation.

"We have a lot of dreams," senior Lauren Pfeiffer said.

Like, this one time, Melissa Helsel totally dreamed she forgot to study for an exam, and another time Caitlin McCurdy had that one dream where she was falling, and another time Amy Baxter dreamed Christian Bale had finally come to take her away, but first he had to fight a dragon with Jude Law's head for some reason. Needless to say, dragon with the head of Jude Law breathed smug Britishness. Fiery, fiery smug Britishness. Basically, this team is a Jungian wet dream, which in turn was a, never mind.

"I do think we can be there at the end of the season," Iowa coach Tracey Griesbaum said. "They felt they made a mark last year, but they want to make it in permanent ink marker and not pencil."

What about one of those washable markers? I mean, as long as you don't, you know, wash it, you should be fine. Also, ballpoint? Would that work? Because I've got a shitload of spare Bics lying around somewhere.

In addition, senior Caroline Blaum was an all-Big Ten pick.

"I am really, really excited. Period. Flat out," Blaum said.

I always appreciated when people punctuate their sentences for you! Oh, um...EXCLAMATION POINT! It removes so much ambiguity, doesn't it? Rhetorical question mark?

"I think we have a great team. On paper, it doesn't take a field hockey professional to realize what we have."

Well, I'm not a field hockey professional, but I'd definitely say you have a field hockey team. Yeah, definitely.

And what do I have? Another completed blog post. Oh, OK, fine, have a YouTube clip on the house. Hell, I'll even make up for last week's Reagan-baiting. Or, at least, that's what I'll claim to Djmmm. Don't tell him of my subtle subterfuge!

Move over, Muppets and Michael Caine, you guys are about to get your Dickensian shit owned. Speaking of which, is there anything better than interviews with Muppets?

No, there isn't.


So the between Michael Phelps pwning the world, the US finishing first in the overall medal count (never mind the gold tally; the ChiComms are cheating bastards and the IOC is in the tank for them), and, of course, the Redeem Team taking the gold, I'm feeling rather patriotic. How patriotic, you say?

THIS fuckin' patriotic:


Kobe Bryant told Chris Collinsworth in some interview "Our country is the best." I nodded with self-satisfaction when I heard this.

Hooray for America! Where else but here can a limey, a beaner, and a moose-fucking canuck come together to blog about shitty sports writers? Only in America, my friends. Only in America.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Peter King and his editors show a shocking (even for them) lack of discretion:

So I see Gary Myers of the New York Daily News in the press box at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. He tells me the doctor about to give him a colonoscopy last year says to him, "Do you know Peter King?'' Myers says yes, and the doc proceeds to tell him what a kook I am for beginning the prep work for my bowel cleanout just before a two-hour-and-40-minute plane trip. You think that's the first time I've heard that one, doc?

You know what I think, Peter? I think fuck you.


Edit/Postscript: Peter's referencing this, an even bigger crime against his readership.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

52 52 52 Week #26: Missouri

In which I examine crappy local sports journalism on a state-by-state basis, progressing through the states in terms of an alphabetical ordering of the heights of their tallest points. Because I can.

So this is, I think, the fifth straight week I'm writing this damn post away from home. Sure, I'm no longer in Central America, and I've got my own computer back at last, but hey...there's a reason why I'm not posting all that much lately. I'm just sort of a globetrotter. And, by that, I mean I'm in Florida right now. It's almost the same thing. Well, it's not completely an utterly different thing. Let's move on.

Because I made an executive decision that I'm not nerdy enough, I just finished rereading The Hobbit and am about to embark on The Lord of the Rings books. If nothing else, it'll give me so much more subtext as I get lost in Viggo Mortensen's eyes. It also has made me find Missouri's highpoint, the 1772-foot Taum Sauk Mountain, rather appropriately named. Sure, it's not the Misty or Lonely Mountain(s), but Taum Sauk Mountain just screams Tolkien. Maybe. Look, I've spent the last two days in a car. Work with me here as I give you the Taum Sauk report...

1. Its topography "is that of a somewhat flat ridge rather than a peak." You know, sometimes I just know I'm working with an interesting one. And sometimes the first fact is about how its topography isn't really mountainous. But hold on...

2. "While not as impressive at 1,772 feet (540 m) as other peaks, Taum Sauk and the St. Francois range are true mountains, being the result of a volcanic orogeny." Volcanic orogeny? If that doesn't sound deliciously dirty, you've probably got moral fiber or something. Whatever you've got, I'm missing it.

3. Some of you (read: none of you) may have heard of the Taum Sauk Pumped Storage Plant, which failed in 2005 and caused a flash flood. Well, don't blame Taum Sauk Mountain, as the plant "is not actually on Taum Sauk Mountain. It is on Proffit Mountain, about five miles (8 km) southwest." I feel like there's a deliciously anti-corporate pun I can make out of "Proffit Mountain", but I can't quite get there.

I'm trying really hard to not try very hard tonight. I think my plan is working. To the article!

Our newspaper today is The Joplin Globe, which has to be a solid contender for worst Wikipedia page in existence. I was going to do a, well, better newspaper this week, but the awesome shittiness of the Wikipedia page won me over. And then when I thought even so I should probably find a proper sports section, this headline showed me I had been right all along...

If I had caught any fish this past week ...

There's an art to the building of suspense, to quote Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead, and that headline just motherfucking built it. Larry Dabelmont, the floor is unimpeachably yours...

I don’t want to make anyone real awful mad here

You couldn't if you wanted to, old friend. You don't think he minds if I call him old friend, right? He just seems so lovably folksy and homespun!

but I can’t tell you the name of one politician running for anything that I would want to go fishing with.

I'm pretty sure that, if you diagram that sentence out, he's saying he wouldn't want to go fishing with, say, the office of the attorney general or somesuch. But hey, what's a little linguistic anarchy among such good, down-home-on-the-ol-fishin-hole friends? The missing "d" and "g" mean it's extra country-like!

The whole bunch of them seems a sorry lot to me.

Do you mean politically, or fishing-wise? Because I'm definitely on board with the latter, and quite possibly the former.

The ones who have won and the ones who didn’t win, I put them all in the same sack.

I'm pretty sure fish win by not getting put in your sack. Oh, wait, you're talking about politicians! What's that about them and your sack? I'm not sure I approve of such talk from a country gentleman...

But then, what do I know about politics? If I had caught any fish this past week I’d be writing about that.

Oh, so that was the resolution to the cliffhanger of what "if I had caught any fish this past week" would entail. That the wait. Yeah...totally. Oh, and while we're here, go see Tropic Thunder, please. It apparently needs all the help it can get, which is sort of a shame, because it's, you know, awesome. OK, OK, back to Larry.

I once shook Harry Truman’s hand, and I have to admit that I was impressed with him, even though I was only about six at the time.

Truman lived from 1884 to 1972 (I almost didn't have to look that up, though I was out by a decade on his year of birth), so that means Mr. Dabelmont could be anywhere from 42 to 130. Who wants to bet his age is closer to the latter than the former? (I'm suggesting he's OLD!!! Isn't that, like, hilarious? Come on, don't make me start randomly swearing in the name of fucking comedy.)

I also liked Ronald Reagan a lot. I can’t remember much about his presidency,

OK, what I'd like to make here is a joke mocking Ronald Reagan on the grounds that he was incompetent and openly slept through a shitload of his two terms. The joke I'd like to make is "That's OK. Neither did Reagan." Unfortunately for both him and the purposes of my joke, the illness that affected Mr. Reagan later in his life renders that joke a bit tasteless. Dammit reality, always cramping my comedy buzz.

Also, I'm fairly sure any Reagan-bashing might result in Djmmm hunting me down and killing me Ollie North style. Best just to move on.

But I really liked Ronald Reagan in those Western movies he made after he got out of politics.

That...that was awesome. That's the kind of so obviously dumb he's a genius - albeit a batshit crazy genius - sort of shit that just makes me fall in love with sports journalism all over again. I'm primed, Dabelmont, hit me again!

I have read some things about Teddy Roosevelt that makes me think he was a lot like me, since he liked to hunt and fish so much and float rivers, and did some outdoor writing. He and I looked very much alike too.

OK, that was more "3rd grader writing about his incarcerated father" than satirically folksy sports journalist, but I'm willing to try it again.

But of course my favorite president will always be Abe Lincoln, who had two things no president or even presidential candidate will ever have again. He was poor, and he was honest.

Andrew Johnson was actually poorer than Lincoln - I believe Johnson is the only president most historians consider to be "born poor" - and even Richard Nixon came from a relatively poor background. Admittedly, that last one doesn't really help on the honesty front. Um, how is this about sports again?

Earlier in my life I too was poor and honest, and as a matter of fact I am still relatively poor, and I am being honest about that.

You're starting to lose me, Dabelmont. Also, I'm having a real hard time keeping the consonants in your last name in the correct order. Any chance you could do something about that?

My favorite politician was Davy Crockett. He and I were so much alike that it is just amazing, except for the fact that he did get into politics, becoming a Tennessee congressman. My cousins and I watched him on Walt Disney when we were kids

OK, time for a vote. Who here is honestly uncertain Larry understands the Disney show he watched wasn't a documentary about Davy Crockett, but instead a highly fictionalized adventure show? Yeah, me neither.

Crockett was loved by his constituents, just as I am loved by my readers, except for a few ladies who got mad about that recent article concerning female bass.

You know what? There's no way I'm topping that. You win, Dabelmont. Be sure to savor your victory, which I can only assume involves doing unspeakable things to female bass.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Do not understand.

Adam Dunn just got traded for a 23-year old pitcher with 28 K in 50 innings of A ball, and 2 PsTBNL. You may otherwise know Adam Dunn as the current bleeping league leader in HR. Dude has a 131 OPS+. Not only that, he's a free agent after this year, so if/when he takes his ball-crushing (in a good way?) bat elsewhere, Arizona will get draft picks. And apparently the Reds have agreed to help pay the remaining $4m he's owed this year.

W. T. F.

It's my understanding that the LA Dodgers could have made a claim and blocked him from getting to AZ (LA's lower in the standings). I suppose the worst that would have happened is that LA would have been stuck paying $4m for yet another outfielder. Admittedly, that seems sort of silly until you realize it's Adam damn Dunn, whose bat would go well in any line-up, and it would have stopped him from getting to the team they're chasing and THEY WOULD GET DRAFT PICKS OUTTA THE WHOLE DEAL at the end of the season.

Am I missing something?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

52 52 52 Week #25: Michigan

In which I examine crappy local sports journalism on a state-by-state basis, progressing through the states in terms of an alphabetical ordering of the heights of their tallest points. Because I can.

Wow. Somehow, some way, I am halfway through this little experiment. No, I'm not sure either, particularly since the last few posts have been written using a combinationof Macs and Spanish-language keyboards, which are just different enough to slow me down something fierce (and why some of my previous posts have diacritics where apostrophes should be). But hey, I'm here, and I might as well keep it going a little longer. Especially when we've got Michigan on tap. 1979-foot Mount Arvon, what have you got tosay for yourself?

1. It only recently became the highpoint of Michigan. For the longest time, people thought nearby Mount Curwood was the tallest. But no, a resurvey in the early eighties discovered Mount Arvon was an entire foot taller. That may have been the most exciting thing that happened to that survey team. I'm not even kidding.

2. It's named after slate. Well, specifically the slate found in Carnarvon, Wales. Aren't you glad you now know that?

3. The land is owned by a paper company. Isn't that just hilariously mundane?

Good stuff. I don't know how many of my readers have tried to guess the sorts of ultra-sophisticated metrics I employ to determine which newspaper I'm going with, but I'll give you one huge hint: if your newspaper is the newspaper of record for the town of Bad Axe, Michigan, you're probably getting chosen. Seriously, Bad Axe? I just hope I live long enough to find a reason to move to a town with a name that awesome. Holy shit, man, just...holy shit. If only the newspaper was called The Bad Axe Blade, I'm pretty sure I could just go ahead and die a happy man. Oh well. The town's name is still plenty more than enough.

So yeah, The Huron Daily Tribune is your newspaper, Paul P. Adams is your writer, and EVERYTHING EVER IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER is your topic. Enjoy!

These are just a few of my thoughts on what has transpired at the state and national levels in sports during the past week.

Oh yeah. Let's do this shit.

...Michigan football officially hit the field with new coach Rich Rodriguez and all the baggage he brought with him from West Virginia.

Baggage aside, Rodriguez is a proven winner who has turned around every program he’s been at.

Care to give some context, some analysis of his previous work? If my Internet were any faster (seriously, it's balls molasses slow right now), I'd look it up myself, but I bet there are some interesting comparisons and contrasts one could come up with if you actually talked about his previous work. Nah, not going to do that? Well, OK...

The Wolverines aren’t in need of a complete overhaul, but they could use some tweaking — and that starts with the offense.

With Rodriguez calling the plays, Michigan fans will see something they’ve never seen before — a wide-open spread offense.

Couldn't I get this from, I don't know, a U of M media guide? Is there content here that I'm just missing? Has Central America driven me stir crazy? Sorry...I mean stir loco.

The transition may take a year or two as Rodriguez recruits the right players for his system.

That transition could lead to a less than stellar year for the Wolverines, who open the season ranked No. 24. They probably won’t contend for the Big Ten title, but should make a bowl game.

So almost exactly like last year, just with more realistic expectations going in? Seriously, preseason No. 5 my ass.

Also working against the team and Rodriguez is inexperience as only two starters return on offense and four on defense.

It’s going to take time, but when things begin to click, Michigan fans will be thankful for the hiring of Rich Rodriguez.

I feel like somebody held in total isolation in a cave somewhere could generate this level of bland platitude. That's right, people - this is Joe Morgan territory. Admittedly, Paul P. Adams isn't a national anything, so I should probably be less pissed. But then this happens...

He will return the program to national prominence, it just won’t happen this year.

That's bad grammar, people! That's like a run-on or some shit! And you know how I feel about people who use bad grammar? Well, I hired a surrogate to emote for me...

New topic!

...Mark it down, the Tigers are officially done!

Since trading Ivan Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth and his gas can, Detroit is just 1-6 and now sits 8 1/2 games in back of the White Sox in the division.

Man, I bet Kyle Farnsworth is totally to blame!

That’s not to say Farnsworth is totally to blame, but he hasn’t helped.

Yeah, but how much can he help, really? Dude's a relief pitcher. Those guys rank barely above the equipment manager in terms of impact. Well, mostly.

He debuted on Saturday and worked a scoreless inning, but on Sunday, in a pressure situation, he melted down, giving up three runs in a game the Tigers should have won.

So he pitched really well once and really poorly another time? Why, he sounds average relief pitcher. He's not swinging anybody's playoff hopes. Neither was an over-the-hill catcher like Pudge, of course.

A colleague of mine told me on Friday the Tigers were going to get swept by the Rays in a weekend series.

Come Monday, he was right, and with it all hope of making the playoffs might have vanished.

Your colleague accurately predicted one of the three best teams in baseball would beat a below-average team three times in a row? Is your colleague *HUSHED TONES* Nostradamus?

The team answered back by blowing a big lead in the opening game of a critical contest with the White Sox on Tuesday.

Jim Leyland has been threatening to shake things up, but it’s too little, too late.

The Tigers will make a mini-run here and there, but they’re just not good enough to track down the Twins or White Sox.

Yes. That is in all probability accurate.

The rest is more on Brett Favre, which I'll spare you out of kindness, an obit for Skip Caray that I'll leave alone, and a bit on the Panthers suspending Steve Smith that features this as a complete fucking paragraph:

Smith actually busting Lucas’ nose.

That...I just don't have any words for that.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

This is always fun.

I'm somewhat wary of doing this because there's a decent chance I'm totally wrong, but I don't think Stewart Mandel (or, presumably, his editor at knows what "nevertheless" means.
Exhibit A:
That's a whole lot of coaching changes for one offseason, nevertheless ones that
dramatically changed the fortunes of so many programs for the better.

Exhibit B:
Prior to your e-mail, I was not aware of any ill will I felt toward the Badgers
(or badgers, for that matter), nevertheless a hatred that apparently shows up
"year after year."

I think he meant "let alone" in the first one, and "never mind" in the second one. Isn't blogging fun? I am at work.

All Favre, All the Time

I know I'm kind of infringing on Passive Voice's beat here, but I read something in Peter King's little column about Favre that kind of made me wonder...

At one point, I text-messaged Favre, telling him what I thought -- the team would rather pay him his 2008 salary and not have him play rather than cut him loose.

This text message came back from Favre's phone: "tell ted to release me."

This kind of begs the question, what kind of relationship does Favre really have with PK that the former feels comfortable basically using the latter as a kind of intermediary between himself and his own boss? Is it just me or is this kind of inappropriate?

Oh and please feel free to insert your own Peter King-Brett Favre homo-joke in the comments.

Monday, August 4, 2008


Peter King at Packers' camp:
The Packers jog out to practice. They stretch. They belch and guffaw and prepare. They do drills. They throw and catch and run. And never is heard a discouraging word.
Is that...? Really? Home on the Range? Okay.
I start to think three things:

1. How well-behaved and wonderfully Green-Bayish they are.

2. What sheep they are.

Pretty much the same thing, no?
3. How they wish they could just get on with their football lives and forget the nightmare of the Favre thing and just get on, distraction-free, with the most important thing in their lives -- a new Packer season.

You're allowed to edit your thoughts and stuff, you know.

Even though many of these fans do not like GM Ted Thompson, this is not Philly or Foxboro, where the fans would hang Thompson in effigy. Or worse.

I'm a "fan" of the Patriots, I guess. (I lost interest in them last year, though. I dunno. I think I was mad that they let David Harris get to the Jets or something, and that was that.) Most of my Boston relatives are too. Anyway, the point is this: are Pats fans particularly intense? My impression was that, in all matters non-Red-Sox, New England fans are kinda blah. I know my relatives could name Brady, Welker, Belichick and maybe one or two of the black players. If the Patriots started sucking again, they'd probably just lose interest and go back to whatever they did before 2001.

Conversely, I thought Pack fans were the most intense, fanatical maniacs west of Pittsburgh. I don't get it. Also, it's just a suspicion, but I'm not 100% convinced Peter knows what "in effigy" means. It's not wrong here, it's just...well, suspicious.

Lastly, this week's travel note was about some Hertz workers not knowing Baltimore was in Maryland. Peter?
I weep for our geographical future.

Peter King adds fuel to the flamers. Flames. Fuel to the fire. Peter King is gay.

If there's anything else worth pointing out in today's MMQB, I'll get to it later. For now, it's a holiday here (Happy BC Day!) and I'm going to go pretend I know how to golf. But first, Peter King finishes an interview with Tony Romo with:

Time for the nightly quarterback meeting. He left me a good deal to chew on.

I spent all morning reading Arrested Development quotes, so maybe this seems funnier to me than to anyone else. But still. "...there's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence."

Sunday, August 3, 2008

52 52 52 Week #24: Wisconsin

In which I examine crappy local sports journalism on a state-by-state basis, progressing through the states in terms of an alphabetical ordering of the heights of their tallest points. Because I can.

I find myself in a Central American internet cafe, using a weird computer with half the keys in the wrong position. Yeah...this post is going to be fun.

This week we’ve got Wisconsin and its 1951-foot tall highpoint, Timms Hill. You know, I’ve gone skiing in Wisconsin. It’s fucking depressing that I didn’t even go as high as Timms fucking Hill. Oh well, know these three things and be merry...

1. It’s got a lookout tower.

2. It’s less than a mile from Highway 86. No, seriously, that’s how fine I’ve got to cut these facts up to get to three. Timms Hill is not interesting. At all.

3. Wait, here’s something interesting: "Originally, Rib Mountain was thought to be the highest point in Wisconsin. However, this was later proved to be incorrect." But however did they manage that? The suspense (or possibly the boredom) is killing me! "While Timms Hill has the highest elevation in the state, Rib Mountain has the largest height differential from the surrounding landscape." Nope, sorry, the fork’s already in my eye.

I thought I might try something a little different by, for the first time in 52 52 52’s surprisingly long-ish history, revisiting an old friend. That’s right, it’s Jeff Sherman from On Milwaukee, who we met way back in this post. So all his diehard fans who keep emailing me for his return can finally shut up. I never thought it’d happen. Anyway, Jeff, your topic is something or other. Take it away.

The latest in Milwaukee's ever-changing restaurant news is that Yanni's Steaks, Chops and Seafood, 540 E. Mason St., has closed, though this rumor has been floated constantly since I wrote about it last September.

Huh...that’s an...odd...thing for a sportswriter to discuss. Although good job on the background research. I like it.

The rumor appears true this time, as numerous calls have not been returned and today the voicemail at the Downtown dining destination is full.

But how can you know for sure? Shouldn’t somebody go there and, like, peek in the windows or something?

Peeks into the windows of the once highly rated restaurant both last night and this morning make it, indeed, appear closed.

Jeff Sherman is officially owning my ass. I am surprisingly OK with this. Still, where’s the sports?

Several area workers and business owners also have said it's closed. The Web design company that Yanni's used couldn't confirm the closing, but remains live although its opentable link is down.

I think we all remember that nugget of restauranteur wisdom: "As goes your opentable link, so goes your restaurant." And, with it, the nation. Or so I’ve heard.

That's not official word, but don't bank on Yanni's for lunch or dinner since the doors are locked and voice mail is unattended.

You know, I’ve never even heard of this place until right this second, but I’m still weeping a little bit. Or maybe that’s because it’s been three fucking weeks and I still haven’t seen The Dark Knight. Oh, the pain!

Just this week, most locations of the national restaurant chains of Bennigan's and Steak & Ale abruptly closed and filed for bankruptcy. It's rumored (again, there are always rumors) that a few other Milwaukee area restaurants plan to close their doors in the coming weeks.

I never thought I’d ever say this, but...Wisconsinites need to start eating more. How else will we preserve all those good Bennigan’s franchises?

Got news or buzz about the Milwaukee area dining scene? Use the Talkbacks.

You know, I get the sense that maybe this dude doesn’t write about sports. Maybe, and this is just a theory, his primary focus is the Milwaukee dining scene and he, you know, just happened to one time write about something sports-related.

Still, aren’t you just glad I managed an entire Wisconsin-sports-related post and didn’t once mention Brett fucking Favre? You’re welcome.