Monday, February 25, 2008

Good God, Man

This will probably end up becoming my once-weekly post. It's Monday, so it's PK time. As usual, he starts decently, with football things:

Asante Samuel could be headed for Philadelphia. I hear the all-pro New England cornerback could get five years and $55 million from the Eagles, but I think once Philly finds out no other team out there is willing to give $10 million a year to a finesse corner who doesn't like contact -- unlike the franchised Marcus Trufant of the Seahawks and Nnamdi Asomugha of the Raiders -- the price tag could slither down a bit.
Technically that's $11M per, but fair enough. A quasi-interesting football thing.

I'm warning you about DeAngelo Hall, Giants. And I'm warning you other suitors: Don't overpay for this man...I can say two good things about Hall: He's a cornerback with guts, and he's only 24 years old. But coaches and some former teammates who've been around him think he's an immature risk-taker and not a team guy.
It's pretty big football news that the G-men are considering adding a young, top-10ish corner. Though there have been several recent examples of crazies doing well on new teams, his apparent immaturity is a valid concern.

Agent Drew Rosenhaus is trying to scare up business in the Chad Johnson market. And failing, from what I gather.
Football.

Seattle's torn about whether to cut Shaun Alexander.
Football.

An elderly man, a farter, maybe 68, fell asleep across the aisle from me Sunday night on the Continental minibus in the sky from Indy to Newark, and he began snoring. (I hate these suffocating little jets, and it seems that's almost all you fly if you're going 1,000 miles or less these days.) Lucky Ray Rice, by the way. The Rutgers running back was way in back and didn't have to put up with the elderly farter's snoring and aroma.

Holyfuckme. Peter, buddy, come here a minute, would ya. Look, I know your editor wants you to personalize the column. It's usually boring as hell, but if you have a recommendation or something, that's fine. However. The "wowzers, planes are so cramped!" angle has been done. Ad balls Nauseam. On the topic of nausea, nobody--nobody--wants to hear about an old fucking man farting. Think about what you submitted here, Peter. Do you understand just how boring that is? Or how gross? Whatever, let's try to wrap it up.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. The Conrad Hotel in Indy is a hidden gem downtown. Huge flat screens in the rooms. John McCain was there the other day, a few minutes after I checked in, for a fund-raiser. He knows how to pick the good hotels, I guess.

Fuck you. You went with the farting story when you had other options? Fuck you.

d. What was the bigger upset? Giants over Pats? Or No Country for Old Men over There Will Be Blood?
I know nothing about movies, but apparently No Country was a big Vegas favourite. So, Giants over Pats.

g. And while I'm at it, congrats to a good friend and superb broadcaster, Dale Arnold, for his appointment to the Red Sox radio network team. Great pipes, and a better guy.


He's never once farted in a public place, right Peter? Right? Fuck you.



4 comments:

Archie Micklewhite said...

You've done a man's job sah!

With that random Blade Runner quote out of the way, I just want to point out that I was thinking about writing a post dissecting some lame sportswriter's Oscar picks, so I'm glad this basic concept lived on in your Peter King post.

Archie Micklewhite said...

Also the amount of time you devoted to it was probably precisely the amount of time it deserved. Because who really needs to hear what Jason Whitlock thinks about sound editing? Really?

Djmmm46 said...

Cmon, PV! I know *I* love me some dick and fart jokes. Or plane and fart jokes...

Passive Voice said...

That's the problem, it wasn't a joke. It was like...a description of an old man's sphincter issues. I just know PK had a detailed description of what exactly it smelled like, but that it was (accidentally?) cut in editing.