Monday, February 18, 2008

Wernicke's Aphasia is the best Aphasia!

I really fucking hate Peter King's writing. Surely this makes me some sort of maverick free-thinker around these blog parts. I'm going to get into this a whole lot more at a later date, but for now, a quote from today's MMQB:

Long is 6-foot-4 and 270 pounds. The experts say he'll run about a 4.8-second 40-yard dash. He smiles at what the experts say. Adams, 6-4¾ and 258 pounds, ran a 4.66-second electronically timed 40 in Indianapolis, the best time of the 50 defensive linemen at the combine last year. Moss, 6-6½ and 250, ran a 4.78. Long won't say what he thinks he'll run, but if looks were confidence, he'd be as fast as Deion Sanders.

Purple emphasis mine. "If looks were confidence, he'd be as fast as Deion Sanders." To me, this reads:
1. Noel Devine's Role Model's speed was attributable to confidence. Not, you know, leg muscles.
2. Chris Long has looks comparable to Deion Sanders' confidence-level.

So, watch out, Brett Favre. Your unprecedented looks record (if looks were irresponsibility, Favre'd be as fast as Pacman Jones) doesn't look quite so safe now that Chris "they don't call him" Long "for nothing" is on the scene.


Archie Micklewhite said...

If I may...

If looks were eccentric genius, Chris Long would be as fast as Neils Bohr.

If looks were prestige, Chris Long would be as fast as a movie starring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman.

If looks were a humidor, Chris Long would be a fine place to keep cigars.

Archie Micklewhite said...

Purple emphasis mine.

So, wait, you're saying Peter King doesn't highlight random passages in purple?