Monday, March 3, 2008

Monday means skipping class...

To hear from old friend PK! What've you got for us this week, fucko?

This offseason, Savage has ... shocked general managers all over football by throwing a $35 million contract ($10 million guaranteed) at peripatetic wide receiver Donte' Stallworth, who will be wearing his fourth uniform in 27 months when he suits up with the Browns.

Now, I have a decent vocabulary, I think. I'm not an English major by any stretch, but I get by. I, however, have never heard of the word "peripatetic". I have never seen this word written anywhere, or spoken by anyone. Neither has my very-intelligent roommate. So Peter: I call bullshit. I think you probably had your editor thesaurus, in your words "moves-around-a-lot-y". I don't really have proof of this, but it's just a fee--

After three days of free agency, I have one word for you. It's the same word I use every year for this weekend...

"Wow!"

Huh. "Wow!", Peter? Fair enough. But I'm surely-to-God not buying "peripatetic".

"We've worked hard at filling some holes,'' Savage said via the cell phone.

This is my second-least-favourite thing PK does, after omitting subjects from his sentences ("Saw a movie the other day. Liked it."): the ol' cell phone mention. I can't scream this loud enough Peter. Nobody. Cares.

8. I think retiring St. Louis kicker Jeff Wilkins has his priorities straight. The 14-year veteran is tied for first with Jason Elam for consecutive extra-point kicks made (371) in NFL history. But rather than chase the outright record, Wilkins, who has battled chronic leg and lower back woes, say he's doing what's best for him, his family and the Rams by retiring. He'll be missed.


A true class act. Lesser men would have flipped off wife and kids to pursue the honour and glory of the all-time record for CONSECUTIVE EXTRA POINTS MADE?

????????????

Peter...if that record, the most pitiful I've ever heard, factored into his decision at all...I feel awful for his kids. Because they have terrible genes. Peter, honestly. Seriously?

9. I think whatever choice you make, Brett Favre, good luck.


I'm glad Peter got the whole Favre thing outta the way now, so we won't have 3 full-column-length odes to his greatness whenever he does retire.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

As usual, it's fun to imagine these were his only non-football thoughts in an entire 7-day period.

The pennant race in the Eastern Conference is ridiculously tight.
There's no such thing. I know what he means, but a)it doesn't matter to hockey teams, who (wrongly?) only really care about that ever-enlarging trophy, and b)there's no such thing.

b. Saw Juno. Loved Juno.
I'm floored. More importantly, I hadn't read this far when I whined about subject-omission earlier. I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.

e. I can't believe I went most of my adult life without knowing much about Family Guy. I've just started to mine all the episodes on the DVR, and it's got to be the funniest animated show I've ever seen. How about the episode where Brian the dog goes back to college, to Brown, and he goes to a football game, and the scoreboard shows "Brown'' on one side, and "The Board of Education'' on the other. Funny stuff.


...............

3 comments:

Djmmm46 said...

I've been wondering for a while why I don't like Family Guy anymore. Is it unfunny now? Have I gotten old? Or are the people who have jumped on the Family Guy bandwagon so unbelievably douchey that they have ruined the show for me?

Reading this, I can now safely conclude it is the latter.

Archie Micklewhite said...

I actually do know of this strange beast "peripatetic"...but only because it was once used in Calvin and Hobbes.

C: What if someone called us a pair o' pathetic peripatetics?
H: I've never heard of someone taking the time to rhyme weird insults.
C: But shouldn't we have a ready retort?

Also, fuck PK for suggesting Family Guy is the funniest animated show he's ever seen. Somebody's clearly never watched himself some Harvey Birdman. Oh, and that show about that family. You know the one I mean.

Passive Voice said...

I really like to believe that Peter King straight up doesn't get Simpsons humour.