Sunday, March 23, 2008

Total hearsay, but still...

Before we get to business with my latest 52 52 52 post, I'd like to relate an anecdote that will reveal how many people still rely on anecdotal evidence when discussing sports. I'll just let your head explode while you process that one.

Basically, one of the reasons why I've been so quiet lately is that I've been on break. Well, I first had to deal with about 96 hours of pre-break craziness just so that I'd actually be in some position to take a few days off. Since this is not meant to ever be an autobiographical blog, I won't engage in any silly "woe is me" theatrics, except to say...it was just before spring break, and I was exhausted. In any event, I've also been taking it sort of easy while I've been on break, which admittedly has pretty much taken the form of hanging out in my parents' basement. Yes, you read that right: I've been blogging less because I'm now spending most of my time in my parents' basement. If that first one didn't completely blow your mind, I'm sure that one did.

Anyway, while I was watching my brother's lacrosse game the other day (my bro is New Jersey Pride goalie Rob Scherr of Major League Lacrosse...or perhaps I've said too much) I had the misfortune of sitting in front of pretty much the platonic ideal of a Jersey guy.

First, he observed another guy was wearing an old Astros cap, which he for absolutely no obvious reason identified as the hat "Cesar Cedeno wore when he played centerfield." Which might suggest the guy knew his sports, considering his knowledge of the Astros outfield in the 1970s, but it's worth pointing out this was the hat the guy was wearing:



So, uh...not exactly. Not exactly AT ALL. In any case, the guy then got onto his massive theory for why the Knicks are terrible, which can be summarized thusly:

1. When players get 110-120 million in their savings accounts, they stop getting the adrenaline they once had when they didn't have anything in their savings accounts
2. This makes them "not true athletes", with athletes pronounced with a couple extra syllables ("ath-uh-lete-eez" is my best approximation, but obviously this guy's language was never meant to be written down)
3. Guys like Kobe Bryant (or, as he identified him, "that guy in LA", which indicates a level of basketball ignorance even worse that, say, my mom's) is a true athlete because whenever he steps on the floor "he gets a rush of adrenaline that makes him want to win"
4. When's the last time you ever saw Stephon Marbury ("Steffy") dive for a loose ball?
5. The reason you don't see this is that Stephon Marbury is too busy taking helicopters to Connecticut for dinner, which apparently is the Jersey conception of true opulence and wealth

Isaiah Thomas figured surprisingly little in all this, because apparently "he knows basketball." I imagine that may involve him having a small savings account and no helicopters.

1 comment:

Djmmm46 said...

Image is broke, Arch. Fix it!