Tuesday, June 3, 2008


To elaborate slightly on a fairly juvenile saying: Peter King's got his giant, horrifying panties in a bunch. His MMQB yesterday was a really nice story about Aaron Kampman and tornados in Iowa. It was sort of well-written and pretty moving. Thumbs up, Peter, thought I. The first page of today's email follow-up thing was a lot of men admitting to crying upon reading the story. The second page started with this:

YOU'RE TAKING THIS A LITTLE BIT TOO FAR, NATHAN. From Nathan, of Atlanta: "Could Hue Jackson's correspondence with Michael Vick constitute some sort of tampering? Technically, isn't Michael Vick still an employee of the Atlanta Falcons? I find it very odd that a coach from another team would send tips and reminders to a player who, while in prison, is still under contract to another team.''

How do you know, first of all, that Jackson, who was a Falcons employee for the first two months of Vick's incarceration, sent him letters after he was a Ravens' employee? That's the first thing I thought of when I read your e-mail. But my overwhelming reaction is: Who cares when he wrote it? I think it's great that he wrote it, whenever it was. Are you telling me that you think it's some sort of violation of NFL rules for a former coach of Michael Vick's to write him a letter that says, "Michael, stay positive. Stay strong. And remember the things we worked on at camp last year. Remember your footwork. Remember ...'' You honestly can sit there and say you feel this is tampering? Wow.

Epic Cunt Manoeuver, Petey. Dude wasn't "telling" you much of anything; he was really just asking a question. Maybe not a great question, but all you needed to do was email the guy and say "no". Instead you plastered that shit on your column and turned it into 128 words of FUCK YOU NATHAN OF ATLANTA. That "Wow" at the end is the epitome of shitty things to say. And "stay positive, stay strong"? Harden the fuck up, Peter.

Anyway, next question:

MY FAULT. From Rohit Kambli, of Pittsburgh, Pa.: "Have you stopped drinking coffee? Whatever happened with the Coffeenerdness section in MMQB?''

It will be back. The last two weeks I've sat there at my laptop and said, "Hmmmm. Got a coffee thought this week?" And I just didn't have one in my head. Will think a little harder this weekend.

F'reals, Rohit?

WHO KNOWS WHAT MAKES YOUNG GIRLS TICK? From Roger Armstrong, of Fairbanks, Alaska: "I coach 12-year-old girls softball. How do you get them to stop daydreaming out in centerfield? I have five girls I rotate in the outfield and four of them are daydreamers. During practice yesterday I asked one girl to stop chasing butterflies, her reply was. 'It isn't a butterfly, it is a dragonfly.' ''

The only advice I could give you, as someone who tries to combine serious softball with a lot of fun, is that I tell them when they're out in the field or at bat, they have to be 100 percent softball. If they're not, or if they don't hustle, or if they're daydreaming, they can sit next to me on the bench. But you know, Roger, there's a great difference between 9- and 10-year-olds and older girls, at least from what I've found. The young kids are exceedingly coachable.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED WHO PETER KING IS! I read the question headline and thought "creepy?". But I realized it wasn't, because Peter King is so mild and boring that pedophilia would never cross his mind. Then it hit me like so many, uh, Eurasian rocket bombs. Peter King is Tom Parsons.


Archie Micklewhite said...

Passive, I think you'll find the rocket bombs you speak of are Eastasian. Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

Djmmm said...


Passive Voice said...

Anyway, I'm pretty happy about my insinuation that anyone not boring and mild like PK has thought of --and perhaps even dabled in-- pedophilia.