Chad Johnson sees T.O.'s porn cameo and raises him, well, you should probably just see it...

Considering it's the Sabbath and all - wait, isn't the Sabbath a Jewish thing? Don't make me bust out my copy of Chariots of Fire to work this one out. Hold on, my research assistant, the lovely Cary Caine, is telling me something. OK, apparently it's Christian as well. Anyway, how better to celebrate the Lord than an update in our somehow continuing series Great Moments in Wide Receiver Pornography!

(The exclamation point means that excites me. And by "excites me", I do of course mean it sexually arouses me.)

As I previously noted in my trademark rambling, tangential way, Chad Johnson is guesting as editor-in-chief for ESPN The Magazine, a publication famous for its motto, "ESPN The Magazine...where colons can go fuck themselves!"

Anyway, as was very much previously noted, the cover of Ocho Cinco's issue is this:



When my family's issue arrived today, I was finally able to get in close enough to read the textbox resting precariously on Chad Johnson's elbow (that thing could hit his funny bone at LITERALLY ANY MINUTE!!!). It says:

Check out the cover that I almost went with, on page 40.

First of all, even if I have a grammar boner (gramner?) for the Oxford comma, the comma after 'with' up there is totally unnecessary and actually just wrong. I know Chad's guest editor, but which jock did they get to handle copy editing? Marques Slocum?

Anyway, my curiosity suitably piqued, I thumbed to page 40, desperately dodging the sharp corners of ESPN's pages made of recycled tissue paper (all of it official imitation Cleanex brand) and the ticket to papercut country they represented. Arriving on the fortieth page with nary a band-aid on my fingers (well, maybe one or two...those pages are so damn sharp and crafty!), I was greeted with quite possibly the most tastefully erotic image ever captured:



Somewhere, Robert Mapplethorpe is smiling. I imagine that somewhere is Gay Heaven, and I'm not talking about the nightclub. Well, maybe a little, but only if we're talking circa 1983.

And on that appropriately homoerotic note...stay tuned for the live-blog! I might be a little delayed getting started - I'm on a train until 8:21 or so, and then I have to dash to a hotel (that's right - Archie's on the move!) and get set up. But hopefully I'll be up by the end of the first the middle of the second quarter sometime during the second half the second overtime. So root for gridlock! Sweet, beautiful gridlock...