I'M HANK STEINBRENNER

I JUST CAUGHT MY DICK IN MY ZIPPER! OW! I'M GOING TO SUE THE CREATOR OF ZIPPERS AND DEMAND THAT ALL PANTS BE EQUIPPED WITH BUTTONS! YES, I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE JUST WORN SWEATPANTS, OR I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE JUST DONE MY ZIPPER UP MORE CAREFULLY BUT FUCK YOU, YOU CANNOT FATHOM THE PAIN AND EMBARRASSMENT OF BEING 4 GAMES OVER .500 DESPITE MISSING THE BEST HITTER IN THE GAME FOR A MONTH!