Monday, April 7, 2008

I'm going to shoot myself in the mind.

MMQb time! Let's just skip right to the thinkathinkathinkathinks, non-football division:

d. Tuesday's Sox home opener, Detroit-Boston, looked like a gem a couple of weeks ago. They're a combined 3-10 now. Gotta love the weirdness of baseball.

e. David Ortiz is hitting .115. Here's my quite unwanted advice: Poke three singles to left against those asinine shifts. The only way you can get a hit to the right side is by hitting it over the fence, Papi.

f. Gabe Kapler has two home runs. David Ortiz. Alex Rodriguez, Jason Bay, Bobby Abreu, Adam Dunn and Prince Fielder, combined, have two home runs.

e. How about Rick (six games, three homers, six RBI) Ankiel?

f. The San Francisco Giants might lose 115 games.


That ends in "ck" somewhere off screen. Anyway, it has been, for most teams, 6 games. There are exactly zero conclusions to be drawn at this point. I know, it's been fun and wacky, or whatever, to watch the Tigers play like the old Tigers. But the season is 1/27th over (I think; it's really late and I just tried that in my head). What exactly will it mean if, 4 minutes into the 3rd quarter of the Cowboys' first game next year, Tony Romo is 7-for-15? My guess is it rhymes with "blabsolutely fucking nothing, because it's so goddamn blurly in the season my brain hurts just thinking about it". Blurrrrrrrrrrgh.

And MY GOD do you not think it's ever occurred to FUCKING ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE RED SOX ORGANIZATION that Papi should, if able, "poke three singles to left"????????

And PLEASE allow me to bet against you on the Giants thing.


Djmmm46 said...

As Fire Everybody's resident Hispanic, I'd like to point out that Peter's use of "Papi" here comes across as really gay. Not gay in the pejorative sense either. But literally gay.

If I weren't a virgin blogger living in mom's basement who had never kissed a girl, I would know from experience (as opposed to reading about it on the internet) that "Papi" is used by Latin girls (and, as TMQ likes to say, "Non-traditional males") as a term of endearment for their gentleman lovers. As in, "Ay, Papi, I love it when you kiss me like that."

So yeah, now that Favre's retired, PK is totally gay for David Ortiz. So can we get a "periodismo pornografico" tag on this post? Unlike SOME PEOPLE, I don't go around modifying other people's tags...

Archie Micklewhite said...

A man's got to modify what a man's got to modify. I'd hate for people twenty years from now to miss out on every last edition of "Favre Frenzy", tenuously linked or not.

Passive Voice said...

Archie! I only agreed to write for this blog on the condition that I got to be the resident Hispanic!

Also, you should have seen how gayed-up(btw, is this gay kosher yet?) King's article was before they edited out "choke up on the handle and try to poke it through the holes they show you, Papi".